This week has been full of ups and downs and all around. I think I have felt almost every emotion possible about starting a new business. The hubby and I went to visit a local antiques and craft mall yesterday and then had a heart to heart. Unfortunately there very few places here in San Antonio to have your own booth, therefore you are more limited. My only other option is to travel to Boerne which is about 25 minutes away from us, and is a bit pricier, but you are able to get larger spaces.
Once we had discussed the location, the topic of conversation continues to go back to our financial situation and our family needs. Renovation, Children’s activities, Bills, College fund; this extra money could go to all of these other, more important things, when I’m still not sure if I will really make a profit.
I am in a constant struggle with myself, I continue to have this personal goal of wanting to have my own business, but I am aware of the fact that I am first and foremost a mother to three children. I’m not sure if it is the fact that I started at such a young age that I never fulfilled the need to be somewhat successful before I had children, or that there is a vast age difference that this is something that I should start when they are almost out of the house. I would hate for them to miss out on developing their dreams, due to me trying to live out mine.
There has to be some sort of balance…right?
I have no answers, only questions today.
-Amy

The Foundation

My parents divorced when I was 5 years old, my mother had married at 19 and like me had a child at 20. My father was an abusive alcoholic and after 5 years of marriage got the courage to leave. We moved back to Ft. Worth and lived with my grandparents for about a year or so, while my mom finished a secretarial program so that she could find a job.
My father was pretty much out of the picture until I was about 7 years old. To this day, I still remember my mother telling me that I was going to spend the summer with my father; I was so excited that I instantly packed a little blue and green suite case and kept in my closet. My father never showed. He gave no explanation, just never called or came.
When I was 10, I received a letter and a picture. The letter was short, and the picture, was of him holding a fish. He was quite the fisherman. He has a passion for the outdoors. After this, we began spending the occasional summers with him. He was still an active alcoholic at that time, therefore this affected our relationship.
They say we tend to repeat the same mistakes as our parents had made. I too was a new mother at the age of 20, unlike my mother though, I did not marry. To be honest it really was not an option. Morgan too, doesn’t have a strong relationship with her father.
One day something had happened and we sat on her bed talking about her father, and for some reason I began to talk about mine, then it hit me. “Morgan,” I told her “Maybe this was Gods way of preparing me for you.”
From that day on that is how I look at “my family history,” it is what it is and it is up to me to change it. Gods knows me in and out and knows that I am truly a stubborn little red headed woman; therefore I think he gives me life lessons. It is up to me to make changes and lay the foundation for my children to have full and happy lives.
-Cheers, Amy

Who am I

My parents had divorced when I was about 5 and soon after that we moved to Ft. Worth with my grandparents. In the early 80’s my mom met and married a man whom was in the oil business. They packed us (my sister and I) up in the car and moved us to the small West Texas town of Abilene.
Abilene is known for the 3 faith based universities and therefore referred to as the “Bible Belt of Texas.” My parents occasionally attended a local Baptist church on Sunday mornings, but not on a regular bases. This particular church still carries the same southern values, everyone still dresses in their Sunday best and is very social, since we were a small lower middle class family, I never really felt like I “fit in.” I still remember going to Sunday school class and having to read the bible story in front of my peers, and being embarrassed because I was never a strong reader. This really did not help to develop my relationship with God.
By the time I turned 13, my life had gone down a different path. My Mother and Step Father divorced, my grandmother, whom I was very close to died and I began to spiral out of control. My teenage years were not good ones and it is truly by the Grace of God that I even survived.
At 19 I became pregnant with my daughter Morgan and at 20 I was a single mother on food stamps, trying to survive. I remember returning to the same church I had attended as a child, just after I had Morgan. I just sat there in the church pew with tears in my eyes threw the service, once again lost and ashamed.
I later met my husband Adam and we married over a year later. We will be celebrating our 9th year together this Friday. I truly believe leaving Abilene was the best thing for me, in a since leaving the past behind you.
You might be asking yourself, why is she sharing all of this very personal information on her blog, at this time? Well, I believe that your past doesn’t define who you are, but are “Gods little obstacles“ that help you become who you are, these life lessons have laid the foundation for the person that I have become today.
I am truly a “work in process,” I am learning things as I go. I am trying to be the best woman, wife, and parent that I can be by learning from my own mistakes. I must admit I truly have to stop and laugh at myself from time to time though, because I do seem to handle little things differently that some of my friends, which you might see in the weeks to come. But hopefully still learning as I go.
-Cheers, Amy

From The Heart

This morning I sat in total silence drinking a cup of coffee, which is very rare for me. Adam and I went to an event last night and the kids spent the night with his parents. The TV was off and Adam was still asleep. Total silence.

As I stared out the window I thought about the direction my life was going in, who I am and where I’ve been. And I thought a lot about the challenges that I am facing right now as a mother of three children. Since I have large gaps in ages, I have very different challenges with each one of my children, but I guess since each child has their own personality, I guess this is normal.

I also thought about my own personal challenges. Who I am and how to organize my life? I not just talking about my house hold items that are lying around, but the day to day challenges that I am faced with. I am questioning my day to day actives that make me a better Christian woman, wife, and parent.

This is where my blog comes in, I decided to organize my blog a little. I would like to write a series of post on Monday’s that are a little more personal that what I normally write. I will share a little more about me and my life and probably a little too much about parenting and the obstacles that I am facing. I guess it is a little more, “From the Heart.”
-Cheers, Amy