Monday, January 26, 2009

The Foundation

My parents divorced when I was 5 years old, my mother had married at 19 and like me had a child at 20. My father was an abusive alcoholic and after 5 years of marriage got the courage to leave. We moved back to Ft. Worth and lived with my grandparents for about a year or so, while my mom finished a secretarial program so that she could find a job.
My father was pretty much out of the picture until I was about 7 years old. To this day, I still remember my mother telling me that I was going to spend the summer with my father; I was so excited that I instantly packed a little blue and green suite case and kept in my closet. My father never showed. He gave no explanation, just never called or came.
When I was 10, I received a letter and a picture. The letter was short, and the picture, was of him holding a fish. He was quite the fisherman. He has a passion for the outdoors. After this, we began spending the occasional summers with him. He was still an active alcoholic at that time, therefore this affected our relationship.
They say we tend to repeat the same mistakes as our parents had made. I too was a new mother at the age of 20, unlike my mother though, I did not marry. To be honest it really was not an option. Morgan too, doesn’t have a strong relationship with her father.
One day something had happened and we sat on her bed talking about her father, and for some reason I began to talk about mine, then it hit me. “Morgan,” I told her “Maybe this was Gods way of preparing me for you.”
From that day on that is how I look at “my family history,” it is what it is and it is up to me to change it. Gods knows me in and out and knows that I am truly a stubborn little red headed woman; therefore I think he gives me life lessons. It is up to me to make changes and lay the foundation for my children to have full and happy lives.
-Cheers, Amy


Jerri Lynn @ Southern Sassyness said...

Gosh, Amy..what a story! Your pain must be very real. Is your father still in your life?

I always had a father present growing up - his body was there, but yet he seemed so far away most times. I still don't really know him.

Thanks for sharing - this really moved me today.

3CHEERS4MOM said...

I came to the realization at a young age to accept and move on. I try to accept things for what they are, and go from there. I have at times tried to have a relationship with him as an adult, but the attempt was unsuccessful. But, I am ok with that.

Mc Allen said...

amy, this hit me really hard. Im sitting here crying. for the pain in your sweet little heart, for the little girl who waited for her daddy, and mostly for the woman that God set free. thank you for sharing this... what a great legacy. ♥ LA

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy....What a portrait you have painted. It breaks my heart, but also impresses on me the strength and courage you have. I am glad that you have taken this dark part of your life and found a way to guide your own child. Its an understanding that not all parents can give their children.


KARIN said...

You know, Amy, many of us had less than ideal childhoods. In a way, I think it was a gift, at least for me, to know at a very young age what I did and did not want for my life and what I was going to tolerate and what I would never, ever settle for.

We are the lucky ones. We know exactly how wonderful our lives are.

Susan (Between Naps on the Porch) said... sound wise beyond your years. I know your little girl will do well with such a loving, smart Mom.